It’s finally happened.
Over the past few seasons I’ve neglected to tune in to as many sterling Hawk Harrelson broadcasts that a Sox fan should because the teams were just that frustrating. Between the errors, bad base running and just general baseball stupidity, I didn’t want to put up with getting my feelings hurt anymore.
But now they’ve crossed into a path of insanity that’s so purely entertaining and ridiculous that it’s can’t-miss television. It really started right around when Hawk decided he needed to leave the broadcast booth to check on the health of Todd Frazier after he dove for a ball in the stands. That was perhaps one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever experienced while watching a baseball game. Hawkaroo left his headset, his vodka, and his partner Steve Stone (who was surely banging his skull of the desk at that point) to check on a professional athlete after he got a boo-boo.
Jumping ahead a little, Rick Hahn proclaimed that he was ready to make a deal to improve the struggling White Sox roster to make a run at postseason contention. He then dealt for James Shields. Now every fifth day we get a free laser show courtesy of giant men disintegrating 89 MPH fastballs with ease. But don’t worry White Sox fans, this is Big Game James…just wait until games actually matter!
Let’s move to the savior, Tim Anderson. Yeah, it’s a little early to be bashing the kid, especially considering he’s up in the Bigs way too early. My issue isn’t his .271 batting average, it’s that his on-base percentage is also .271. In 60 plate appearances, he has yet to draw a single walk. I know we’re past the days where you need a high-walk, slap-hitting, base-stealing leadoff man…but that’s really hard to do. It’s like Anderson is playing Road to the Show on the MLB video game where you turn the difficulty down to rookie and bat .475 with 78 home runs by the all star break…but you’re just too impatient to draw walks. Who has that kind of time?
Finally, if you tune in to watch this team you’ll undoubtedly get some education on career minor league players. Seems like every game Robin is trotting out a new player who I’m pretty sure is made up. Here is a list of guys I’d never heard of before they appeared in the White Sox uniform:
Michael Ynoa…6’7″ right hander who looks like he should probably go help the Bulls out a bit.
Matt Purke…Wears glasses, not sure if you’re aware but those guys generally don’t get very far in sports.
Jason Coats…I really didn’t think he was a real person until he collided with JB Shuck in his first game.
All this, and they’re still finding new ways to lose games. Bases loaded in the eighth with no outs? Nah, we’ll pass on a getting any runs. How about in the tenth? Same deal, no outs. Nah. Let’s just pack it in. How can you not love this stuff?
The White Sox are not one of those awfully bad movies that are funny because of how bad it is. They’re more like Independence Day, a movie you’ll watch even though you know it’s extremely average in terms of film-quality but it’s just so entertaining that you need to hit yourself over the head with a hammer and soak it in. So sit back, relax, and strap it down Sox fans. Here’s all you need to enjoy White Sox baseball.