I’m Not Even Sure If Cleveland is Rooting For the Indians

Almost every narrative you could think of for this World Series is in favor of the Cubs.

Obviously, you have the fact that this team is America’s darlings. They have a dump truck full of young, exciting talent and party just as hard as they play. The Indians are the ultimate jerks. They’re trying to extend the longest championship drought in sports just as the rest of the world is ready to accept the Cubs as winners. Sure, in two years everyone is going to be rooting against the Cubs, but for now everyone just wants to see history.

I seriously have my doubts that there aren’t a couple of Indians fans saying “yeah, it would be pretty cool to see something like that happen.” Besides, Cleveland isn’t even supposed to be here. Two of their best pitchers are on the DL. One of the healthy starters chopped his pinky off and thinks the Phantom Menace is the best Star Wars film. Does that sound like a World Series team to you?

Not to mention the whole “Cleveland I-words” narrative. Just a forewarning, we are going to get absolutely hammered with this shit. I can’t believe it hasn’t started yet. The Blue Jays announcer tried to go the hardo route and not say ‘Indians’ at all. Looks like that worked out well.

The Cubs are even winning over die-hard, hate the Cubs more than they like their team, little brother syndrome-having White Sox fans. As a Sox fan I don’t have a dog in this fight. But I’ll be sending my Cubs fan friends congratulatory texts if not buying them a shot every time Rizzo disintegrates a baseball. I’ll also be calling to congratulate my 88 year old grandma who has seen pretty much everything except a Cubs World Series in her life. And who wants Cleveland to have another championship? Yeah, that’s great you get basketball. Now go back to your Browns game and Drew Carey Show. The party is better in Chicago.

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