Soccer In Danger of No Longer Being a Sport After USMNT Blunder

I know nothing about soccer except that it’s boring and full of pansies. Even so, I probably would’ve tuned in to the World Cup because ‘Merica. Now that the US failed to qualify I can’t be 100% sure that the World Cup is still happening. Don’t they cancel international events that America isn’t involved in?

Fox was banking on patriots like myself in order to make good on spending $400M for the rights to televise the World Cup. Whoops. I guess the lads didn’t get the memo considering they sucked a fat one on the pitch. I’m not even going to pretend like I know how or why they didn’t qualify. I just know that if America doesn’t qualify for the international tournament of a sport, it’s not a sport.

For people like me, this is actually a relief. Now I don’t have to pretend to care about a sport where the outcome of the game is determined by who can flop the best. Who needs soccer anyways? The NFL is shoving real football down London’s throat, and I’m assuming they project our football to overtake their football in popularity in a couple years. Soccer is dying, and America not making the World Cup put it in hospice.


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